Why Doing Someone a Favor Can Make You Like Them More
We usually think liking causes favors.
We like someone, so we help them.
But sometimes the reverse happens: helping someone can make us like them more.
This is called the Benjamin Franklin Effect.
Franklin described using this idea with a political rival. Instead of trying to win the man over with kindness, Franklin asked to borrow a rare book from his library. The rival agreed. Franklin returned it with a gracious note of thanks.
Afterward, the man reportedly became much friendlier toward him.
Why would this happen?
One explanation comes from cognitive dissonance. Our brains dislike inconsistency. If I go out of my way to help someone I supposedly dislike, my mind has to explain my behavior:
“Why did I help him? Maybe I actually like him more than I thought.”
Our attitude may then shift to match our action.
That creates a fascinating social lesson: if you want to build rapport with someone, occasionally ask for a small, reasonable favor instead of always trying to impress them.
For example:
“Could you recommend a good book on this?”
“Can I get your opinion on something?”
“Would you show me how you did that?”
The favor should be small and genuine—not manipulative.
The surprising takeaway
Sometimes the path to friendship isn’t:
“I like you, therefore I’ll help you.”
It may also run backward:
“I helped you… therefore perhaps I like you.”
Benjamin Franklin understood something subtle about human nature: our actions don’t just reflect our feelings—they can help create them.
